Oftentimes, when we think Valentine’s Day, we most likely imagine small cards that convey the warmest feelings of love, focused on the positive aspects of this strong human emotion. But historians argue that people living in Ancient Rome were not as likely to focus on the same aspects. Conversely, they were highly likely to bring out the negative, painful aspects of love in the letters they sent to their loved ones, LiveScience reports. There was no Valentine’s Day in the sense we understand it today, but men sent love letters to women, usually married, as well as to other men, on occasions.

Flattery and gratitude were among the last feelings on Roman men’s minds when it came to things they thought about writing in their letters. Most of these writings argued that love is an emotion that makes the writer “see double,” and swells up his tongue. They also called love a plague. These differences are caused by the way in which modern and ancient people looked at love. In Ancient Rome, men or women were rarely expected to love their spouses. Experts believe that the change in the perception of love our society experiences today may have more to do with the way women are looked at, and integrated.

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